I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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