Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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