herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
