My liver just broke up with me...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
