some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
