If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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