Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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