seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
