What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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