if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just want to make out with him forever
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
