my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
