i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
