I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
