I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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