She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
