Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
grandma shit on top of the toilet
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
