1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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