i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
