Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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