This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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