dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
