pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
