what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
What a dumb baby whore.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
