If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
