I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
