Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
