Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
