also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
