According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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