you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
