Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You have to summon your inner elephant
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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