Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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