So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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