i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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