You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
