I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
