So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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