So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
