How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
