So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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