Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
