I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
