in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
