so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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