After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize