Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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