im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
