I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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