you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
why do cheetos always look like penises
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
