I'm gonna have a badass scar
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
it was like having sex with a tree stump
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
