I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
