he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
