i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
two words: eviction party
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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