I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
