So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
