I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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