all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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