OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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