I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
