dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
