i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
