my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
