so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
