Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
