i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
