I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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